Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
