I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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