I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
