Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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