Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You have to summon your inner elephant
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
