he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I deserve this hangover.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
