My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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