I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
