He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
operation have a gay friend backfired
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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