Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
