oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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