this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
