why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
