I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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