my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
