There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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