just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
