did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
