Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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