Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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