After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
