dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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