Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
