I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
