i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
