Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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