why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
