I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
