My hand turned me down
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
