The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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