I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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