I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
