I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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