all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
