I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
