SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
