oh god the rape fog is back!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
