You made me cry and you don't even care
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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