Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
