Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
