Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
