Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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