Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
