After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
