so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
