I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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