So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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