I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
