Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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