hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
